Deja Vu

DMC, we have a mid-thirties male found down, unresponsive Possible overdose, substance unknown Pulse is 60 and thready, respiration's eight He's intubated and we're bagging him now Uh, BP 90 over palp, patient is cool, pale, and diaphoretic Has aspirated, uh, GSC is 3 Will update en route, ETA ten minutes As I fall deeper into a manic state I'm a prime candidate for the gene to receive the drug addict trait Blood pressure climbs at a dramatic rate I seem to gravitate to the bottle of NyQuil then I salivate Start off with the NyQuil, like, I think I'll just have a taste Couple of sips of that then I gradually graduate To a harder prescription drug called Valium, like, yeah that's great I go to just take one and I end up like having eight Now I need something in my stomach 'cause I haven't ate Maybe I'll grab a plate of nachos and I'll have a steak And you'd think that with all I have at stake Look at my daughter's face "Mommy, something is wrong with dad I think He's acting weird again, he's really beginning to scare me Won't shave his beard again and he pretends he doesn't hear me And all he does is eat Doritos and Cheetos And he just fell asleep in his car eating 3 Musketeers in the rear seat" Sometimes I feel so alone, I just don't know Feels like I been down this road before So lonely and cold, it's like something takes over me As soon as I go home and close the door Kinda feels like déjà vu I wanna get away from this place, I do But I can't and I won't, say I try, but I know that's a lie 'Cause I don't and why, I just don't know "Maybe just a nice cold brew, what's a beer?" That's the devil in my ear, I've been sober a fuckin' year And that fucker still talks to me, he's all I can fucking hear "Marshall, come on, we'll watch the game It's the Cowboys and Buccaneers" And maybe if I just drink half, I'll be half-buzzed For half of the time, who's the mastermind behind that little line? With that kind of rationale, man, I got half a mind To have another half a glass of wine, sounds asinine Yeah, I know, but I never had no problem with alcohol Ouch, look out for the wall, aim for the couch, I'm 'bout to fall I miss the couch and down I go, lookin' like a bouncy ball Shit must've knocked me out 'cause I ain't feel the ground at all Wow, what the fuck happened last night? Where am I? Man, fuck, am I hungover, and goddamn, I Got a headache, shit, half a Vicodin, why can't I? All systems ready for take off, please stand by Sometimes I feel so alone, I just don't know Feels like I been down this road before So lonely and cold, it's like something takes over me As soon as I go home and close the door Kinda feels like déjà vu I wanna get away from this place, I do But I can't and I won't, say I try, but I know that's a lie 'Cause I don't and why, I just don't know So I take a Vicodin, splash, it hits my stomach, then "Ahhh" Couple of weeks go by, it ain't even like I'm gettin' high Now I need it just not to feel sick, yeah, I'm gettin' by Wouldn't even be taking this shit if DeShaun didn't die Oh yeah, there's an excuse; you lose Proof so you use There's new rules, it's cool if it's helpin' you to get through It's twelve noon, ain't no harm in self-inducin' a snooze What else is new? Fuck it, what would Elvis do in your shoes? Now here I am three months later, full-blown relapse "Just get high until the kids get home from school, homes, relax" And since I'm convinced that I'm an insomniac I need these pills to be able to sleep, so I take three naps Just to be able to function throughout the day, let's see That's an Ambien each nap, how many Valium? Three? And that will average out to about one good hour's sleep Okay, so now ya see the reason how come he Has taken four years to just put out an album, B See, me and you, we almost had the same outcome, Heath 'Cause that Christmas, you know the whole pneumonia thing? It was bologna, was it the methadone, ya think? Or the hydrocodone you hide inside your pornos? Your VCR tape cases, with your Ambien CR Great places to hide 'em, ain't it? So you can lie to Hailie I'm going beddy-bye, Whitney, baby; good night, Alaina! Go in the room and shut the bedroom door And wake up in an ambulance They said they found me on the bathroom floor, damn Sometimes I feel so alone, I just don't know Feels like I been down this road before So lonely and cold, it's like something takes over me As soon as I go home and close the door Kinda feels like déjà vu I wanna get away from this place, I do But I can't and I won't, say I try, but I know that's a lie 'Cause I don't and why, I just don't know